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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
