Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
