Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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