I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
