There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
