His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
