you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
