My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize