if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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