Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
