I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
