thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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