Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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