careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize