So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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