i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm at about main and main street
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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