this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
