I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
