i just had sex bonerless
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
