I want to walk on stilts...naked
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
