Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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