atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
