Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize