Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
