Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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