We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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