So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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