so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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