He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
