Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
