I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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