Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im drinking this country out of the recession.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
