You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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