So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
