Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wear drunk well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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