your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How's work?
Spinning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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