just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize