she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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