There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
