jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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