i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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