Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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