Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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