My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
