Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
