i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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