plz talk dirty to me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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