hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
