i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
