I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
