3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
