smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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