Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
