I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
