im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
