So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yo dont text me then not text me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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