arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize