we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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