I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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