Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
