I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
