I bet he comes in French.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize