i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
