I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
