White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
