Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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