She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
