Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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