i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So vagazzling was a success
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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