i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
