I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
