If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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