Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
