If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
