he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
