do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
