OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
