The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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