i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
