I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
