we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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