i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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