I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize